Speak Forcefully

Do I Have Six Pack Abs?

A couple of the women in the row in front of me asked me a very pointed and likewise highly relevant question pertaining to matters of law: Do I have six-pack abs?

A woman with biting wit and classic Southern Style Humor (my definition – it probably doesn’t really exist) was talking about the things I have in common with her boyfriend i.e. science fiction, Linux, computers, CSPAN, money markets, oh and so much more it was downright uncanny. I remember commenting, “Next thing you’ll tell me his birthday is in October!” She exclaimed “NO WAY! OH MY GOD!” Well… it turns out his birthday is in October.

Given that I have so much in common with my fellow law student’s hard bodied boyfriend, she and another classmate inquired if I had six-pack abs. “OH MY GOD! Why yes, as a matter of fact I DO have six-pack abs!” Sort of… My abs are actually 15-pack abs, carefully crafted, honed and refined by 15-packs of dark Guinness Beer imbibed over many years of struggling through life. Believe me, getting these 15-pack abs took hard work and considerable amounts of time and effort to reach their current level of near perfection.

Therefore, I do not have six-pack abs. I have something even better; I have 15-pack Guinness Abs that can only be created with rich, dark beer – preferably built with Guinness as a foundation. My wife even calls my midsection "disgusting", but I assume she means it along the lines of "disgustingly sexy" or "disgustingly attractive" or - something. Maybe I better ask her to clarify as I can be a bit thick headed.

I’m still working on getting them down to six packs though. I’ll let everyone know when (A) there is a blizzard in Hell or (B) I actually accomplish such a lofty goal.

posted by majqa @ 5:50 PM